To be loved so unconditionally is a blessing each of us should be so lucky as to have in our lives. So many times when things were hard and I just didn't even feel like getting out of bed, I would, because I had my best pal counting on me. I might not always have taken care of myself, but I would always make sure he was taken care of. He was always there for me, leaning in and nuzzling close letting me know he was there when he sensed I was sad.
I remember I picked him up after having him neutered, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't come to me, he walked up to everyone in the waiting room lobby, but refused to even acknowledge me. I believe I was being 'punished' for leaving him there. He didn't even want to get in the car with me, boy was he mad! Shortly after, while heading home, I felt something ever so soft and gentle nuzzling at the side of my face from the back seat. He was leaning his head up through the seats and brushing his nose against my cheek. I had been forgiven!
Then there was the time I came home and my entire living room floor was covered with some kind of teal colored 'fluff'. It took me a moment to realize that my little puppy had 'gutted' my sofa and what was left of it was strewn all about! It was all I could do not to let him see me laugh! I got the video camera out and asked him 'Moe-Moe...did you do that?', 'Did you do that?' He would hang his little face, turning it and looking side to side, barely able to meet my gaze. Turning and covering my mouth so as not to let him see me giggling, 'Shall I take that to be a confession?' (I did get the whole thing on video and when I'm able to convert to digital, I will add it to this at a later time.)
I made a 'kitty door' on my small bedroom door upstairs and thought it would serve as a getaway for the cats. I got home from work one evening and a fat miserable looking little puppy greeted me when I came in. He was so ill and his stomach so huge, it practically drug the ground. What on earth had happened to him?! I watched him closely and he seemed okay just fat and uncomfortable. Later that evening I noticed the cats' continuous feeder which could hold a whole bag of dry food was empty. Not just low, but completely EMPTY! I guess my usually chubby little puppy had squeezed his chubby little self through the cat door, but what I still can't figure out is how he got out!!
He's been with me through good times and bad times, we've had so much fun together, hiking, running, camping, swimming. But, this past week, he showed me that it was time for him to go. This has to have been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life and I prayed for the strength to get through it. I knew I had enough love. My fear was making the choice too soon or too late and I had asked him to let me know when it was time and prayed to know when it was time. I received very clear messages this week. While it was heartbreaking and difficult, my strong love for him gave me the strength I needed to say goodbye. My amazing vet and her staff were so kind and sensitive. The room had lit candles, and a big soft pallet for him to lie on. I requested sedation for him first and stayed curled up on the pallet next to him holding in my arms. After it was time to say goodbye, the vet hugged me through her own tears and gave me some time alone with him to say my goodbyes.
My heart aches so desperately at the deep loss I am feeling and for any pain he may have endured. But I feel liberated for him knowing his young strong spirit is no longer in pain, nor trapped in his old tired body. I like to think of him running, swimming, and playing with his Grandpop and all the other kitties and pups and I told him to save a good spot for me when it was time for me to join him. So I won't be saying goodbye to my dear friend, I will be saying 'So long for now, I'll see you later'.
I'm So Glad We Had This Time Together